Never Say Never
by itzalliballi
Summary: ADDEK. She cheated on him with his best friend, and he walked in on them. Is there any saving that marriage? What will it take for them to be Derek and Addison again? Can therapy guide them back?
1. Chapter 1

Hi guys. This is a fic that I'm writing with a friend of mine. It's ADDEK in NY. Hope you like it!

The title of this fic is based on this lovely song Never Say Never by The Fray. We are mildly obsessed with it. :W

Here are the lyrics:

Some things we don't talk about

Better to do without

Just hold a smile

We're falling in and out of love

The same damn problem

Together all the while

You can never say never

When we don't know why

Time and time again

Younger now then we were before

Don't let me go,

Don't let me go,

Don't let me go,

Don't let me go,

Don't let me go,

Don't let me go

Picture, you're the queen of everything

As far as the eye can see

Under your command

I will be your guardian

When all is crumbling

Steady your hand

Together all the while

You can never say never

When we don't know why

Time and time again

Younger now then we were before

Don't let me go,

Don't let me go,

Don't let me go,

Don't let me go,

Don't let me go,

Don't let me go

We're falling apart

And coming together again and again

We're coming apart

But we hold it together

Hold it together, together again

Don't let me go,

Don't let me go,

Don't let me go,

Don't let me go,

Don't let me go,

Don't let me go

PS. We've taken a lot of creative liberties as far as background story is concerned. We love it and hope you will too.

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**[b] CHAPTER ONE: Here We Are [/b]**

The sign on the door read [b] Dr. Sumners' Office [/b] in big, bold letters, followed by [b]Marriage Counselor[/b] underneath in fine print. She's supposed to be the best. That's why they were there. They agreed that it's going to take the best of everyone to make it work. She paused in front of the door, glancing nervously to her side at her husband. Sometimes, she couldn't believe he was there with her. It wasn't like him to stay when things got tough. He was staying though, and she was so grateful. God, she loved him. She did, she just didn't know how to tell him that. She didn't know how to make him believe her. Not after what had happened, not after what he'd seen.

"Here we are." He whispered and she nodded her head at him. His thoughts were racing, and he fought to control his pulse. This is what he had signed up for. This is what he'd canceled three appointments for- appointments that were made months in advance. He was a man that people sought out. He was a man that people looked to save their lives, but he was trying to save his own life. It was only then that he could focus long enough to look at someone else's. It was pretty easy to cancel appointments now that he didn't have a partner in the office. It was just him and his assistant, Ronald. He'd had a woman named Cassie, but Addison had insisted on a male assistant once he agreed to work it out. She didn't want him to have any temptations for revenge. He didn't fight it, because he would be lying if he said the thought hadn't crossed his mind. He'd thought that Mark was sleeping with Cassie, but clearly Cassie wasn't whom Mark had spent his nights with. Bile rose up in his throat as he the memory flashed before his eyes, but he shook it away. He had to get past that. He had to- somehow.

He watched as she struggled with whether or not to grab onto his hand, and he took the opportunity to open the door. Baby steps were vital, he told himself. He hadn't touched her yet. He told himself that it was normal, even as her clothes slowly but surely transformed a little more provocative every day. Addison had never been the conservative dresser since he'd married her and she moved out of her parents' house, but even he noticed the change. Her blouses cut a little lower, and her skirts fell just a little shorter. He wasn't sure if it was possible, but he swore her skin even started to look silkier. He reasoned that it was probably just his brain. Not having sex because he was tired from working so much didn't seem as hard to manage as not having sex because he wouldn't allow himself the pleasure. He was a freaking moron; he scolded himself as he watched her walk into the waiting room in front of him, wincing as her hips sashayed in a way that only she could pull off without it being overly dramatic.

Addison had a flair for the dramatics. She always had. He linked it back to her days in Theater, even though she had to be severely hard pressed to admit those days ever occurred. That girl would never waste her time with designer shoes and flawless hair. Addison had tucked her away right along with her graduation gown. He had a feeling he would have fell in love with her too, though. There was something magnetic about Addison that he could never quite put his finger on, but it was there. It was what kept him there. It was what made him love her no matter what they went through. They were Derek and Addison, and he planned to keep it that way.

He took a seat in a chair as she stood at the glass barrier between them and the workers. It seemed so impersonal when he was sitting on the other side, even though he knew his office waiting room was eerily similar. He was a brain surgeon though, he told himself. He was supposed to keep himself distant from his patients. She was a counselor. She was supposed to be close with her patients on a professional level. He didn't know how one was to do that, but he didn't dwell on it long, that wasn't his problem, and he had more than enough of those to keep him occupied. He watched as she walked back over to him with the clipboard and pen in hand. He realized that his arm was across the back of the empty chair, and although his instinct told him to move it down to his side, he couldn't stomach the broken expression he knew would cross Addison's face when he did it, so he didn't move it. Even after she sat down, and his wrist rubbed up against her silk shirt, he kept still. It was hard to get only a graze of contact from her. He always craved more. She didn't seem to notice though as her heels clicked anxiously on the tiled floors, matching the beat of then pen against the clipboard. She hadn't even filled out the first line yet. He glanced down to see what the hold up was. It asked for her full name. He smirked. Some things would never change.

"I HATE my middle name." She grumbled, and he allowed himself to chuckle, fighting the urge to pet her head to pacify her.

"I love your middle name." He grinned. "I married you for your middle name. Forbes is much more interesting than say, Addison." He chuckled, and even as her eyes narrowed on him, he could see that her lips were twitching with ache from wanting to smile.

"That's not fair." She shook her head once she gave in to the smile before focusing back on the sheet of paper. She sighed as she filled out the fields. Derek Christopher Shepherd. Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd. She'd filled it out a million times before in the eleven years of their marriage, but it was the first time that she realized that maybe it wouldn't always be her name. The thought scared her. When they'd said their vows as Derek and Addison, she'd thought she'd be a Shepherd for the rest of her life, and suddenly she was sitting in a waiting room of a person who very well may decide the rest of her life for her. It was terrifying. She didn't like it one bit. She didn't like the idea of therapy either, but she'd been so desperate to keep him from disowning her that it'd been her last resort. She didn't want to have to talk about what she'd done. She didn't want to have mention Mark at all. Especially her feelings for him. The feelings that so clearly clashed with the stronger than steel feelings she felt for her husband. They didn't make sense to her, and she wasn't so sure she wanted someone to try to explain them to her, especially in front of Derek.

"Yeah, well. Blame your parents. Not me."

"I'll be sure to add that to the list."

He was about to respond when the door opened, revealing, who he assumed was, Doctor Sumners. "Addison and Derek... Shepherd?" They both winced slightly at the hesitation, but stood up nonetheless. Addison was about to admit that she hadn't actually finished the paper work yet, but she stopped herself. She figured the fact that it was still in her hand told her that. "Come on back." The woman's smile was welcoming, but Addison still felt her knees shake.

Goosebumps flared across her skin as his fingertips brushed against her lower back in a comforting but guiding motion. It was going to be okay, she told herself. He was still there, and she still loved him. They could make it work. They were Addison and Derek. They were invincible.

"It's so nice to meet you!" Addison greeted the woman with a handshake before leading the way down the hallway to the only room that had an open door. She hesitated once she was inside. There was a couch and there were also two chairs. She didn't know where to sit, and she could feel the therapist's eyes on her. It was like a test, and she didn't know which one was the right answer. She didn't know what to do, so she quickly glanced back at Derek who cleared his throat. At least he was uncomfortable at the choice too, she told herself.

"Chairs today, okay Ad?" He whispered into her ear, and she quickly agreed. He'd touched her back for the first time in three weeks. She didn't want to push it.

"Chairs." She agreed and sat down in the empty chair, and even though she knew it was just in her mind, her back felt just a little bit colder without his hand lingering there for guidance, and not for the first time that day, Addison felt a little more lost than the moment before.

"Alright. Let's get started." Doctor Sumners sat on the couch across from them, and they both forced a smile. It was going to be a long hour and fifteen minutes.


	2. Chapter 2

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**[b] CHAPTER TWO: Eleven, Twelve Years [/b]**

"How long have you been married?" Doctor Sumners asked as she glanced between the obviously strained couple that sat before her. The wife fidgeted in the leather seat; her heels nervously clicked against the wooden floors and she wrung her hands in her lap. The husband sat there, staring straight ahead, not moving, and not offering any input.

"Derek… Addison," the therapist prompted again. "I understand that this is difficult for you. And I am very good at my job. But in order for me to do my job… in order for me to make sure that you two remain happily married, until death do you part… we need to discuss the basics. We need to start small before we start discussing the big issues. How long have you been married?"

"Eleven years," Derek said softly, his voice somewhat shaky.

"[i]Twelve[/i] years," Addison countered as she twisted the wedding ring around her finger.

"Eleven, twelve years," Derek conceded.

"You were married in 1994… making this year your twelfth anniversary, correct?"

"Yes," Addison and Derek said together, and Doctor Sumners smiled as the husband and wife exchanged a quick glance.

"How long had you known one another before you were married?" she prompted. She knew she was taking a chance with that question, but the session was off to a good start. Some couples she didn't ask, but from what she had heard about Addison and Derek, she needed to strip them down to their roots, to their foundation, so she could help them build themselves back up.

"We were in undergrad… ah… I think I was a sophomore and she was a freshman," Derek said, as he took a leap of faith, and glanced toward his wife for confirmation. Addison just nodded her head. "I remember the first time I ever saw her…"

This was good. Addison was surprised, though; she hadn't expected Derek to be talking. She expected him to stay shut down, to not open up. Therapy had been [i]her[/i] desperate request, not his. But then again, it made sense that Derek would talk to anyone that wasn't her. Or Mark. She hated living in silence; she and Derek were basically coexisting in an environment with no words, and the walls finally seemed like they were closing in on them.

"She was this fiery little redhead… dressed in overalls and a baggy t-shirt. She had a book bag that was bigger than her on her back, and a bunch of art supplies in her arms. Well, she bumped into this guy… he was pretty big," Derek continued, and he glanced at Addison, who had winced reflexively. "Oh. Sorry, I don't…"

"No. Go on," Addison smiled and she took a deep breath, and lamely offered her right hand to her husband. He looked down at it and moved his left arm into his lap. He cringed as he watched her expression fall.

"Baby steps," he whispered, and he watched as Addison tried to fight back the tears that had formed in her eyes. "Ad… don't do that… you know I… don't cry," he said gently, and he reached his left arm back out and squeezed her shoulder. A warm feeling swelled in Addison's belly at his touch; it was a distant touch, but more than she had gotten from him as of late, aside from when he touched her back in the waiting room. Doctor Sumners leaned forward and offered Addison a tissue, which she took with little hesitation.

"Derek… continue with your story," the therapist prompted gently, and she glanced back down to her notepad.

"I… um," Derek stuttered as he focused his attention on his sniffling wife. "Let's talk about something else."

"Okay," she nodded. "Addison," she began slowly. "When did you first notice your relationship changing?"

She watched the pair as their expressions went blank; a deer-in-headlights look crossed Addison's face and his expression went stony. The air seemed to suck out of the room, and the tension had built back up with her bold question. She was prepared for this, though; this was her job. She had seen this type of thing hundreds – if not thousands – of times before. So the three of them sat there in an awkward silence.

Derek focused on the wall clock that was behind Doctor Sumners' desk. He almost dared Addison to speak; he did want to hear this. He wanted to fix their relationship; that is why he hadn't left. Or… he had left, he had just gone back home hours later. Because he couldn't see himself walking away. Addison fidgeted even more, if possible. She wanted to confess, she wanted to tell the therapist that she noticed a change when she and Derek were discussing the possibility of children four years ago. She wanted to tell her that she hated herself for what she did to her husband, the man that she was supposed to love, to honor, to cherish, until death parted them. Well, the way they were parted, one of them may as well have been dead. But she didn't speak either.

"Okay… well…" Doctor Sumners began awkwardly. "It looks like we're out of time for today. It may not feel like we got much accomplished, but that's because, in reality, we didn't. I won't beat around the bush with you two if you can agree to do the same with me. We're a team, Mister and Misses Shepherd. I'm here to help. I'm going to make a few suggestions for you both, things you can do together and some things you will do separately," she said with a sigh. "We'll start small. I would like to see each of you individually, and then the three of us will meet on a biweekly basis. Now, if I may," she said, pausing long enough for both Derek and Addison to nod at her. "I want you to get a pet… a cat or a dog…"

"Excuse me?" Derek asked, caught off guard by her request. Individual sessions he could handle, but a pet? That was odd, to say the least.

"I understand that you are both very career oriented. And you may not be cat people, or dog people. However, therapy is about teamwork and so is having a pet. This pet will need love, and care, and it will need both of you. I've done this with several other couples and it's usually successful. So, I want you to get a pet by the next time we meet. Teamwork," she said with a definitive nod as she stood up. She watched Addison stand up and brush her hands on her skirt as her husband stood slowly, and grabbed their coats from the rack in the corner of the room. "I look forward to working with both of you," she added as she shook their hands, and watched as they walked out of her office together, their hands not quite touching, but not separated either.

All in the name of progress.

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	3. Chapter 3

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**[b] CHAPTER THREE: Good Choice [/b]**

The car ride was long, silent; the air between them was dense with tension. He hadn't looked in her direction since they had stepped out of the office. He drove, she fidgeted in the seat beside him. She was never an anxious person before, but here she was… in the [i]after[/i]… and she was anxious. He stared out the front window as they sat in the Manhattan traffic, the radio turned off, the only sounds audible were the breaths they were taking, and Addison was pretty sure she could hear her heartbeat. The therapy session started so well… and then she had to go and fucking cry like a fucking baby. 'Way to go, Ad!' she said to herself, her gaze returning to her wedding ring.

He missed the exit. She glanced toward him, but didn't say anything. She sure as hell wasn't about to correct his mistake, not after that disastrous appointment. "I know," he said, as if he'd read her mind. "We have homework," he added, shrugging his shoulders slightly as he took an exit three miles east of their normal exit. He returned to silence as he pulled into the parking lot of the Humane Society of New York. He turned the car off quickly and unbuckled his seatbelt, and offered his wife a tiny, quick smile as she, too, unbuckled her seatbelt.

She didn't look down to confirm her theory, but she told herself that his hand was lingering just centimeters from her back. She wanted to believe he was still guiding her in the right direction- even if she'd gone off course

"Hi! I'm Rachel," a young girl said as they entered the building, the bell on the door ringing loudly as the door clanked shut. She cradled a yellow Labrador puppy in her arms as she offered Addison and Derek a sincere smile. Derek sighed softly as he glanced at the dog; what in the hell was that doctor thinking? But they were already at the shelter; they couldn't turn around now. This was for Addison, for himself, for them. He would do whatever it takes, and if getting some kind of animal was the answer, then damn it, he would become the owner of a goddamned dog. "What brings you in today?"

"We're getting a puppy," Derek said as he returned a smile to the young girl.

"A puppy? Derek… no," Addison countered. "We need a kitten," she said to Rachel, who gave them a confused glance. "We're surgeons, Derek. Puppies need a lot of love and attention… not that kittens don't… but dogs are more dependent. We don't have enough time to get a puppy."

Derek sighed as he nodded toward Rachel, who smiled in return. "We have plenty of cats to choose from. What age and breed were you thinking?"

"We want a baby, right, Derek?" Addison asked, reaching out to pet the puppy in Rachel's arms. He looked bewildered by her question, and she winced at her wording. He didn't want a baby – that was part of the problem. "A kitten… a few weeks old," she added, quickly correcting herself.

"We have five kittens… I can take you to the playroom to meet them, if you'd like. They have all of their shots, but haven't been declawed. You'll have to do that yourself, if you want to. Just sign in here," she said, pointing to a clipboard on the counter. "I'll go put Sunny here back into his crate, and we can head back to the kittens."

Rachel led them down the long, dim hallway a few minutes later. She chattered about the kittens, about their personalities. Addison and Derek watched as four of the five baby cats played in the pen, the fifth one wandering around on her own. She was a tiny black kitten, and she sauntered right up to Addison and Derek as they entered the playroom. "Take your time getting to know them," Rachel said. "This is an important step."

Addison scooped the tiny black kitten into her arms, cooing as the kitten purred at Addison's touch. "Derek! Look how tiny she is… she likes us!" she exclaimed, holding the kitten out to her husband.

"She's very cute," Derek agreed, reaching out to pet the cat on her head.

"I think we should get this one!" Addison said, pulling the little black ball of fur back towards her.

"Addison… it's the first one we've picked up," Derek said with a laugh. Addison had always been like that – she was always quick to make a decision, and stick by them. It was why he loved her… 'one of the many reasons,' he corrected himself. "Let's see if we feel connected to any other ones."

"Alright," she sighed, gently placing the kitten back on the floor. The other four purred and continued to play; Derek stood back up and walked over to them, and picked up a male calico kitten.

"How about this one?" he asked, holding the kitten out to Addison.

"He's not as soft," Addison said, pouting slightly. "I'm sorry," she added.

"What are you sorry for now?" he sighed, setting the kitten back down; the little cat scurried off, back toward the other three kittens. The kitten that his wife had been so drawn to, however, sat down beside him and looked up at Derek, cocking her head slightly, her blue eyes meeting his.

"Being picky," Addison whimpered, wringing her hands in her lap.

"No. Don't be sorry for this. This is important."

"She's so lonely, Derek," Addison whimpered, reaching out to pick the black kitten up again. "The other ones aren't playing with her!"

"Do you think she's the one?" he asked softly, finally meeting her eyes. Addison cuddled the kitten to her chest and nodded, a smile flaring at the corners of her lips.

"Have you decided?" Rachel asked as she rejoined them in the room.

"Yes," Derek said, standing up and offering his hand to Addison. Her grin grew as she handed the tiny kitten to her husband, and he cradled the tiny cat to his chest. She stood slowly, nodding enthusiastically as Derek continued. "We'll take her."

"Oh, good choice!" Rachel cooed. "She's been here the longest… her time was actually almost up. She doesn't play much… that's why she hasn't been adopted. She's my favorite," she said softly, as she petted the kitten's head. "Well. Let's go fill out the forms, and you two can take her home today!"

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	4. Chapter 4

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**[b] CHAPTER FOUR: A Lot to Explore [/b]**

Addison held the kitten close to her chest as they got out of the car, and she waited for Derek to open the front door. The kitty was already clawing at her chest- through her brand new shirt- to be released, but she held on. The last thing she needed was their best hope to hate her and run away on the very first day- the first hour of being together. She couldn't let that happen. Even if cost her a shirt. She would mourn the shirt in silence.

"Are you okay?" Derek asked after they were inside and Addison immediately put the cat down and rubbed her chest. It wasn't until then that he realized that she was crying. "Don't cry, Addi." He sighed as he took a step towards her. He didn't know what to do. He knew he had an obligation as her husband to try to help, but he was at a loss of how to. Five years ago, he would have kissed the claw marks until she'd forgotten them, but that was five years ago. A lot had changed, and he couldn't quite dismiss the feeling that Mark had kissed her exactly where those claw marks were. He couldn't do that. Not yet.

"The cat ALREADY hates me!" She whimpered as she glanced at Derek until tears blurred her vision. "We just got home and the cat is already running away from me! My cat... my dependent freaking hates me, Derek! So yes, I am going to be crying!" She made the short walk to the stairwell and sat down on the second step. "I am going to cry until I wake up from this fucking nightmare!"

He watched as her head fell down between her knees, and he decided to take a seat beside her. It'd been months since they'd sat down and had an honest to god conversation anywhere, much less on the stairwell. His arm wrapped itself loosely around her waist, and pulled her against his chest. "Scout doesn't hate you, Addi. She's just scared of a new place is all. She's probably hungry." He eyed her carefully for reaction to the name, but it didn't seem to register to her at all that he'd name the kitten. She was too consumed.

Silence filled the room, but he didn't bother to break it. He could feel her breathing return to normal before she finally looked at him. "Well, it was a far drive." She sniffled, and he nodded at her. "And this is a pretty big house compared to her tiny cage at the shelter." Her eyes lit up, and he could tell that what he was saying was finally sinking in. He loved her eyes, they were so expressive, so in tune with her feelings. He missed the days when she didn't need to speak at all. He just knew. Now, he constantly had to ask her what she was thinking, and it bugged him a little bit more each time. Not because of her, but because he'd allowed it to happen.

"Definitely." He smiled softly as she wiped underneath her eyes. He'd been trying to gather the courage to do that himself, but he didn't mind that she'd beat him to it. He wasn't trying to create an even more awkward moment.

"It's a lot to explore." She continued as a smile finally spread across her glossy lips. His parched at the sight, but he pushed that away. They were having a serious conversation. He had to focus.

"It is." He confirmed.

"My cat doesn't hate me." She blushed as she clasped her hands in her lap. "I'm sorry that I freaked out. I just, Derek, I really don't want to mess this up. It's the first day." She stared into his eyes as she tried to make him understand how important it was to her. Yes, she'd made a huge mistake, but she hadn't given up on them. She loved him, and she was going to love their kitten as well.

"We are trying. It's not going to be perfect, Addi. There's going to be tough stuff we have to deal with. Just remember, we are Derek and Addison." He cupped her cheeks with his free hand, forcing her to meet his gaze until agreement showed in her face.

"Derek and Addison." She nodded with a smile. It felt so good to hear him say that. The only thing better would have been if Gucci would have been in her lap. Gucci! "Where's Gucci?" She blinked, looking down, and around the stairwell to find the kitten she was so determined to make a part of her life.

"Oh shit." His arm fell from her waist before he stood up to look around. "SCOUT!" He called out before cursing himself for it. Like the cat was going to know who that was. The damn thing could be anywhere.

"Gucci, Derek. Our cat's name is Gucci!" She protested immediately, and he smirked. There it was. He'd been waiting for that. A sign that she was back to clear thinking.

"KITTY!" He gave in quickly. He wasn't going to argue with her then, he just had to find the cat. She had to be alive in order to name her Scout- which is what her name was. "Come here, kitty!"

"I'll check the living room." She mumbled as she slid off her heels and stood up, sliding them against the wall so that they wouldn't be in the way.

"I got the kitchen and the bathrooms." He nodded, walking the opposite way from her. He'd never considered himself an animal person, but he didn't even particularly feel comfortable with losing the cat so fast. It- she – had a way of making him care without even trying.

An hour passed before Addison finally found her. Her heart swelled when the cat was inside the shoes that she'd slipped off. "You do love me, don't you baby?" She whispered as she picked up the sleeping kitty and held her to her chest. "You do love me." She repeated, kissing its head softly over and over as tears welled in her eyes. The cat had good taste, she smiled. Those were her favorite shoes.

"I see you found her." Derek walked up a moment later, leaning against the railing of the stairs. "I told you she didn't hate you."

"She loves me." Addi grinned before carrying her upstairs to the bedroom. "Run to the store and get a litter box and some cat food, D!" She yelled over her shoulder, not giving him a chance to protest. "My baby is hungry." She whispered, kissing the kitty once again. The therapist had given her what she always wanted, a baby.


End file.
